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Joke of the Day

"Noah: An ark? Full of animals?? God: ... Noah: You even listening?? God: Sorry what? I was checking out the iPhone 6. This thing is garbage."

"Do you know that horrible feeling of guilt when you eat all your kids candy? Me neither."

"Who thought blowing out candles on a cake was a good tradition? Ah yes; wax would go well with this cake and you know what else? Child spit."

"What would the gay guy's version of 50 shades of grey be? 50 shades of heeeeey."

"What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1"

"Hey do y'all wanna hear a political joke? Donald Trump!"

"The rest of the world uses Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. I just learned some girl I hated in high school likes her new pedicure."

"My ex had a really weird fetish... She would dress as herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time."

"Saying 'Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?' only works in the movies and not with strangers at Sports Authority"

"Why can every black person run so fast? Because the slow ones are in jail."