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Joke of the Day

"Hey, can everyone stop making new movies and TV shows for a while so I can catch up?"

"I broke up with my girlfriend, Ruth.. Now her friends call me ruthless. EDIT: Got hacked. Password and emailed changed, this post was changed to something else for a brief period by the hacker."

"I would make a terrible Buddhist because I kill a lot of ants and drifters"

"What's the fastest way to get a female Officer to arrest you? Liquor."

"Our doctor's office painted their examination rooms the color 'Bran Muffin'. They hope to keep our attendance more regular."

"Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting... ...or has multiple restraining orders against me?"

"""Mom?"" ""Yes?"" ""Are we having seafood for dinner?"" ""No, why?"" ""I heard Dad on the phone."" ""And?"" ""He said that he picked up a case of crabs."""

"What did Gandalf say to the guy with a shy bladder? ""You shall not piss."""

"Where do gay midgets come out from? The cabinet."

"Want to leave a lasting impression? Show up three hours late for a first date."