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Joke of the Day

"People Don't even say grace before meals anymore . They just Hold up Their Phones over the Plate , snap a Pic , & Post it on Instagram"

"What is a Coronal Mass Ejection? I might be wrong here, but I think it's when you throw up after drinking too much Mexican beer."

"two gay blokes are preparing to go away on a holiday... one says to the other, ""want me to pack your shit?"""

"There's an omelet in the fridge. I want it. However, I can't have it... It's eggspired."

"What did Marshawn Lynch say when he went to traffic school? I'm just here so I won't get fined."

"Did you know? Did you know that babies, fresh from the womb, can see all around them for 10 seconds.....after they're decapitated"

"Based on the seemingly random things my autocorrect suggests I sometimes wonder if it is trying to communicate with me."

"Why didn't the TSA let the chair through security? It was armed."

"The amount of times I've had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent."

"*draws a sharpie mustache on my grandma* lol you cant hang loser. passin out w/ shoes on? rookie ""Sir please step away from the casket"""