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Joke of the Day

"The amount of times I've had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent."

"What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine? The pricks are on the outside of a porcupine."

"Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first."

"Have you heard my pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy"

"Hey, are you from Ireland? Because when I see you, my penis is Dublin"

"Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail."

"What part of a football ground is never the same? The changing rooms."

"Me: I LOVE Pokemon Go! Him: Are you just collecting caterpillars and putting them in your purse?! Me:"

"What do you call a clown and a crook rolling in feces? The US elections."

"A white guy, a black guy and a priest walk into a bar.. I immediately shoot the fucking nigger in his head, taking another dark coon out of the gene pool."