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Joke of the Day

"An orangutan in the zoo has two books The Bible and Darwin's Origin Of Species. He's trying to figure out if he's his brother's keeperor his keeper's brother."

"Opposing counsel licks his thumb every time he turns a page in his file and basically I didn't even know this rage inside me existed."

"Beethoven: hey everybody, this next song's called ""Fur Elise"" Elise: omg, we broke up 6 months ago, get over urslf B: SHUT UP ELISE I LUV U"

"The secret to becoming a millionaire... Is by being a billionaire, then starting an airline."

"[while titanic is sinking] me: [mouth full of shrimp at the buffet] I can't believe no one is eating these lol"

"(Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today's pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)"

"What is the same betweem long distance track and school Your going nowhere and your doing it slowly"

"How do you blow up a Muslim's phone? Put it on airplane mode."

"What do The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common? Icy Dead People."

"And on the 8th day, God created atheists and said, ""Oh man, you're not gonna believe this."""