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Joke of the Day

"(Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today's pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)"

"What did the chicken say after it's wings caught on fire? ""Damn, I sure got some hot wings!"""

"Happy alentine's ay! For people who won't get the D or V"

"Thinking is bad... thinking is bad... it ruins every 3 out of 2 relationships"

"How do you make the Wicked Witch of the West kill herself? Challenge her to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge."

"You're fat and you need to diet... I won't sugarcoat it because you'll eat that too."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar . . . A grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender: Ya know, we have a drink named after you! Grasshopper: You have a drink named Steve?"

"The Pizza Delivery Guy said ""Thank you"" but his face said: ""Porn really, really lied to me about what this job was like."""

"Q: Why did the blonde guy ask his girlfriend to squeeze his left testicle? A: Because the road sign said 'Squeeze Left.'"

"I painted my laptop black so it would run faster... ...but now it doesn't work."