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Joke of the Day

"(Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today's pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)"

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"What did the chicken say after it's wings caught on fire? ""Damn, I sure got some hot wings!"""
"Happy alentine's ay! For people who won't get the D or V"
"Thinking is bad... thinking is bad... it ruins every 3 out of 2 relationships"
"How do you make the Wicked Witch of the West kill herself? Challenge her to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge."
"You're fat and you need to diet... I won't sugarcoat it because you'll eat that too."
"A grasshopper walks into a bar . . . A grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender: Ya know, we have a drink named after you! Grasshopper: You have a drink named Steve?"
"The Pizza Delivery Guy said ""Thank you"" but his face said: ""Porn really, really lied to me about what this job was like."""
"Q: Why did the blonde guy ask his girlfriend to squeeze his left testicle? A: Because the road sign said 'Squeeze Left.'"
"I painted my laptop black so it would run faster... ...but now it doesn't work."