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Joke of the Day

"I just did an alignment on my car... But my car still pulls into crowds :("

"I have a joke about capitalism. I'll tell it to the highest bidder."

"When chuck Norris was born WWII had ended"

"Sometimes I gaze upwards at the endless stars that populate the sky and realize how small I truly am. I should get one of those pumps."

"I asked the grocery store man if they had eggnog and he's like ""We only carry it at Christmastime"" so I was all ""Whatever, Hitler."""

"If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they've been drinking in order to establish dominance."

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed it's skin. Why don't you go behind the screen and slip into something more comfortable then!"

"What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens? Caesar salad"

"If you're offended by anything on my TL, whatever you do, do not look at the rest of the internet."

"A windy day Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench. The first says to her friends ""gosh, it's windy today"". The second says ""no, it's Thursday"". The third says ""so am I. Let's get a drink""."