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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I gaze upwards at the endless stars that populate the sky and realize how small I truly am. I should get one of those pumps."

"I walked into an explosives shop the other day and wanted to buy a grenade with my debit card. It all went horribly wrong when the cashier asked for my pin."

"LOSER BOOTY CALL... APARTMENT Wow, you have your own apartment? Yeah, it's probably nicer than my room at the Y."

"How did Kim Kardashian get her hands on Liberace's bath robe? #GrammysRedCarpet"

"What's the opposite of Christopher Walken? Christopher Reeve"

"If I go into a stall and see a solitary, intact lima bean in the bowl, I pick a new stall. I don't want what you're selling, lima bean bowl!"

"I have a double major in Psychology and Geography. I lead the field in research on glacial depressions."

"I once got diarrhea on a road trip but I went on, undeterred."

"I once entered ten puns in a comedy competition hoping one would win. But, no pun in ten did."

"What did the boots say to the cowboy? You ride -- I'll go on foot."