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Joke of the Day

"*slaps the shit out of a fish with a slightly larger, more confused fish*"

"I beat my wife at dominos the other night. She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings."

"Why couldn't they show the orchestra concert on TV? There was too much sax and violins."

"if money can't buy happiness explain pizza"

"I gave my cat a middle name today, so she knows when she is really in trouble."

"What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public? a private tooter."

"My girlfriend messed up baking a tart She was to re-tart it"

"If there was a championship for the world's biggest loser, Hillary would take second place. Because she can't win anything."

"Why don't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is."

"How do you make a dead baby float? One glass of rootbeer and two scoops of dead baby."