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Joke of the Day

"first day at school?"" Mother: ""Did you enjoy your first day at school?"" Girl: ""First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?"

"A cheeseburger walks up to a bar.. Cheeseburger says: ""Excuse me, can I have a pint of lager please?"" Barman says: ""No sorry, we don't serve food."""

"What's the difference between a Russian bot and a sincere Trump supporter? One of them actually exists and the other *ees teepeecal Amyerikyan pyatriot*."

"Nothing terrifies me more than hearing, ""Mommy close your eyes I have a present."""

"Turns out that German pilot was heavily depressed... He brought the whole plane down."

"John met god and God said ""John come forth and you will receive eternal light"" sadly John came fifth and won a toaster"

"The Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and be awarded eternal life"" John came fifth and was awarded a toaster"

"Paddy says, ""Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."" ""Bugger that!"" says Mick. ""Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"""

"With a name like ""Earl"", I'm more afraid this hurricane will get drunk and beat a pregnant woman, than I am that it will cause flooding."

"I was gonna play Zelda via online emulator, but didn't wanna close the site I was on... ...so I clicked ""open Link in New Tab""."