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Joke of the Day

"If I had kids I would name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete so when they misbehaved I would just hit them all at once."

"When all else fails burn shit, people will forget how much of a failure you are when they see stuff on fire."

"I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I replied, ""No, you sick fuck. I'll be putting it up in my living room."""

"Parachute Jumping by Hugo Furst"

"Justin Bieber made a racist joke when he was 15. Quick, someone give him $2 billion for his basketball team to teach him a lesson."

"I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance....... so I pushed her over."

"My wife punched me during sex last night. Probably a good idea that my mistress and I do it at her place next time."

"How many Africans does it take to change a lightbulb? Five, one to change it, and four to dance around for no fucking reason."

"The Queen Elizabeth doesn't have one. The Pope has one, yet he does not use it. Arnold Schwarzenegger's is big, and Brad Pitt's is small. What am I talking about? A last name, you pervs."

"A woman was breastfeeding on the bus today. A man looked and said ""OMG!"" That's disgusting! Looking back on it, that might not have been the best time to masturbate."