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Joke of the Day

"I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I replied, ""No, you sick fuck. I'll be putting it up in my living room."""

"I drank a bottle of vodka tonight and I was feeling Russian Russian to bed"

"What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was both their last big hit."

"A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double-entendre. So he *gives it to her.*"

"It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn't just in his parents basement on acid the whole time"

"Why do old men take Viagra? It stops them from rolling out of bed."

"If you wait long enough, every cool thing starts to suck."

"Saying ""EA Sports it's in the game,"" along with the guy who says it."

"Winners don't do drugs... It chaffs the willy."

"so you teens like ""selfies"" huh? well if you picked up a bible now and then you would know god did selfies when he created us in his image"