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Joke of the Day

"I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I replied, ""No, you sick fuck. I'll be putting it up in my living room."""

"I grew up Catholic... and one of the things I hated was going to church, with the constant standing up, sitting down and kneeling. I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me."

"Why don't you play UNO with a Mexican? Because they steal all the green cards"

"What did the comedian do when his joke did not go home with the audience? He became a boxer and delivered a strong punchline."

"Someone stole my mood ring And I don't know how I feel about it."

"Tell a girl a million times shes not fat... She'll never believe you... Call her fat once she'll never forget it."

"This morning I was wondering why the sun wasn't rising... And then it dawned on me"

"Trophy Wife Any wife can be a trophy wife... ... if you take her to a taxidermist."

"First time having sex was like my first time riding a bike My dad was holding me from behind."

"The nun got pregnant at the Church's Halloween party. I told her not to dress up as an altar boy..."