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Joke of the Day

"my girlfriend texted me saying she was going to go out shopping for an hour sent at: 2001-11-06 3:35 PM"

"The rain is starting to worry me. I'm afraid that because I have a beard that my friends will expect me to build an ark."

"I had my first tweet stolen so now I understand the pain and suffering the families of kidnap victims endure. Stay strong Amy Smart."

"My minivan has this cool anti-theft system called its a minivan"

"Why is Man Utd's chemistry lacking? Because they are held together by weak van den Gaal's forces."

"Every time I text this guy, he replies with ""Sorry, I'm driving."" It's been a few days. I'm guessing he's probably made it to Mexico by now."

"Every time I'm at a friend's house I look at the ceiling & say ""You like to watch, don't you.."" so I look cool if they have a hidden spy cam"

"Trying to find an anagram for mobile piss' is impossible."

"Caught my kid forging my signature and I have to say, pretty good for a third grader"

"Chuck Norris was born May 6th 1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7th 1945."