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Joke of the Day

"I had my first tweet stolen so now I understand the pain and suffering the families of kidnap victims endure. Stay strong Amy Smart."

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"What's the difference between reddit gold and the Greek drachma? People usually thank you for giving them reddit gold."
"I hope this free massage guy from craigslist is on time."
"Q: What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President? A: A competent liberal President."
"I told my girlfriend I'm a little hoarse... She looked at me in all seriousness and said ""aww you're a pony! Clop clop clop!"" (This actually happened yesterday.)"
"One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry said Mullah is it a member of your family?"
"What mouse has two legs? Mickey Mouse. What duck has two legs?"
"Brain: Compliment her eyes Me: Yeah? Brain: Trust me ""YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY'RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO."" Brain: Perfect!"
"Why can't American engineers design linear actuators? Because they always try to maximize the degrees of freedom."
"Q: What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? A: Roberto."
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