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Joke of the Day

"The rain is starting to worry me. I'm afraid that because I have a beard that my friends will expect me to build an ark."

"A fool proof way to never feel lonely. If you're ever feeling lonely, watch a horror movie. You won't feel alone anymore."

"I'm shopping for groceries in an unfamiliar store and now I know how old people feel when they try to use a smartphone."

"Alsation: Was your master playing catch with you? Chihuahua: No I was playing throw with her!"

"Hey, Christianity- what's all the fuss about a virgin anyway? I could be a virgin if I wanted to. But I don't. Because sex. Also? More sex."

"A banker broke up with his girlfriend... He lost interest."

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I have never paid $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"*blood everywhere* ""What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?"" Well, that's a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff's new here"

"Why aren't redheads very good R&B singers? Because they have no soul"

"What happened when Jesus went to mount Olive? Popeye fucking smacked him one."