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Joke of the Day

"That awkward moment you have long eye contact with someone who's really attractive, only cause it's too hard to walk away from the mirror."

"GF told me she wanted to write her ""biography"" & I said ""autobiography"" & now there's a chapter where I sleep at my place."

"What do you call a liquid that spent all its money dissolving solute? [in]solvent"

"If you take meat from a calf... ... it could either be veal or below-knee."

"Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is"

"The United States government."

"Ebola has mutated! reports are coming in that the Ebola virus has mutated and become exponentially worse, in light of this mutation the virus will be renamed the Hyperbola Virus"

"If there was a mathematical equation to describe social justice warriors... It would be a really nice log. An ideal log."

"What did the deaf person get after having sex with a hooker? Hearing AIDS."

"The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, ""Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"""