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Joke of the Day

"Ebola has mutated! reports are coming in that the Ebola virus has mutated and become exponentially worse, in light of this mutation the virus will be renamed the Hyperbola Virus"

"A person who knows two languages is called bilingual. Three or more languages; multilingual. What do you call someone who knows one? American."

"My wife got a restraining order against me. I love it when she plays hard to get."

"she says she want a bad boy so i unplug the usb w/o ejecting it"

"""Welcome to the future. Let me show you around. Here's the bathroom. This is a robot that we invented that screams at your wet hands."""

"What's the best part of having Alzheimer's? You get to meet new people everyday!"

"Job hunting tip: Leave the facial piercings at home. Hard to get hired when you look like you fell down a flight of stairs with a tackle box"

"What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? The pizza can feed a family of 4."

"(after bedtime) 3:DADDY COME INTO MY ROOM! Me: go to sleep. 3:YOU HAVE TO COME IN BECAUSE I CAN'T HEAR YOU M: yes you can 3:NO I CAN'T"

"None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It's because fish can't survive in my secret reservoir of vodka."