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Joke of the Day

"Safe sex is stupid. Safes can't get pregnant."

"Did anyone else hear about the claustrophile? He just came out of the closet recently."

"""How hard up for cash do you have to be to wear a chicken suit & wave at cars,"" I think, adjusting the beak protruding from my forehead"

"Snotty bitch in the elevator was looking down her nose at me. So I had to ask her, ""Lady, can I smell your pussy?"" Indignantly, she said, ""No, you may not!"" ""Oh, well, then it must be your feet!"""

"Ever since I installed Adblocker Plus things haven't been going so well.. All of a sudden chicks in my area are no longer interested in me."

"Luke, I am your father. Man you should see your face right now. It's all like waaaaaat no way."

"What does Batman have in his lemonade? Just ice."

"Your dad is a motherfucker"

"Thanks honey for rolling over at 3am and telling me I should get some sleep.In my insomnia stupor that hadn't crossed my mind."

"I don't get why Robert and Cersei never seemed to get along... They didn't even have a legitimate issue."