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Joke of the Day

"If every time I didn't have something nice to say, I didn't say it at all, people would think I was a mute."

"Why are pirates always angry when they go to the restroom? Because they p-irate."

"Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You'd think SOMEONE could've let me know I was out of toilet paper."

"I went to the paralympics Came away with atrophy wife"

"You would not believe how many times Leonardo Da Vinci had to paint the Mona Lisa before he got one where she wasn't blinking"

"My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped."

"Why do baseball pitches make bad doctors? Because when asked to 'give it to them straight', they throw a curveball!"

"extreme jesus died on the motocross"

"Did you hear about the guy who has a fetish for cashews? He's fucking nuts."

"The term ""Every 60 seconds in Africa , a minute passes"" is stupid Because the majority of Africans don't get seconds , they'll be very lucky if they even get their first servings ."