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Joke of the Day

"Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven't left your couch since 2011."

"I don't want to seem desperate after a date so I usually text him 10 years later when he has a wife and kids."

"I'm Mexican and Filipino. No matter how you look at me, I'm good at cleaning."

"Did you hear about the fire at the campground? It was in tents"

"dad: I can't find my glasses, can you read what this says for me? me: ""Dad do you want to go to Home Depot"" dad: [voice catching] Sure son"

"Shaved my 4 month old beard this morning My wife was upset, she said she really liked it. I told her I felt the same, it really grew on me over the last couple months."

"I get asked all the time why I play in a gay basketball league It's because I love going up and down the hardwood."

"Joey the marsupial applied for a job to eat eucalyptus leaves all day. However, he was declined due to his lack of koalafications."

"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? ""Breathe, dummy!"""

"My sick friend said a cold never bothered him anyways. I asked him if he wanted to build a snotman"