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Joke of the Day

"I don't want to seem desperate after a date so I usually text him 10 years later when he has a wife and kids."

"I'm not saying I'm smarter than you because I use proper punctuation; I'm implying it with semicolons."

"What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis."

"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room."

"What an upset manly clock with boobs says to another manly clock with boobs who doesn't arrives in time for their homossexual dating? You man nipple lated me"

"Any t-shirt can be an ironic t-shirt if you hate things enough"

"If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo's show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it's Halloween because our family reunion was in July...."

"How did the mathematician treat his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil."

"Found out a guy I dated was in jail for attempted murder. He never even tried to take me camping, I'm not even good enough to kill."

"What's the difference between a mosque and a school? I don't know, I just fly the drones."