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Joke of the Day

"dad: I can't find my glasses, can you read what this says for me? me: ""Dad do you want to go to Home Depot"" dad: [voice catching] Sure son"

"Did you hear about the convicted grammar Nazi? He was *sentenced* to death"

"Misery loves company. Company: ""I have a boyfriend."""

"The future is now An electrical engineer invented a new kind of transistor that uses tapioca instead of silicon. He called it the boba FET."

"Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? They say he had loco-motives."

"Sperm is the best glue Have you ever seen a human being falling apart?"

"dont call my cell phone unless i know you and really even if i know you dont call my cell phone"

"What do you call a religious termite in Hungary? Buddha-pest"

"My mom when I was a kid: ""Never talk to strangers."" ""Never get in their cars."" Me to my future kids: ""Here's how to order an Uber."""

"What do you call a mexican midget? a paragraph, because he's too short to be an essay."