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Joke of the Day

"I've never been booed off stage. I've never been booed off stage! Sure, I've been booed on stage plenty of times... but never off stage. In honor of Mitch Hedberg. RIP."

"I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 30 years."

"wife: know what today is? me: yep wife: on 2 together: 1, 2 wife: Happy Anniver.. me: 3 MONTHS UNTIL.. wife:..sary me: wife: me: ..Santa"

"Facebook should add a hug and kiss button that way people can have a little foreplay before getting poked."

"I wanted to get a brain transplant... But I changed my mind."

"What do you call a woman who rents out hot dogs? Lisa Frank"

"Beauty is only skin deep... but it sure looks good on the ladies."

"Donald Trump walks into an empty bar and says.. ""Am I the only joke here?"""

"What do you call salesman with a lisp? Rodger. He's the one with the lisp, not you, so why would you call him anything different?"

"My ambition is to be the last man on earth so that I can find out if all those girls were telling the truth."