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Joke of the Day

"Nicknames How do you get bob from ""robert"" ? -no answer How do you get billy from ""william""? -no answer how do you get dick from ""richard""? -ask nicely"

"When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren't my kids but he'd never fire a Mom of seven, right?"

"What do you call someone from Zimbabwe holding a bottle cap in their hand? A trillionaire."

"I get my guns from a guy named T-Rex... He's a small arms dealer"

"I have never seen the movie Titanic and I never plan to because a friend spoiled the ending for me The boat sinks. Credit to u/Donkey__Xote for this beautiful comment in an r/AskReddit thread"

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put the wrong socks on this morning."

"Why do mermaids wear sea shells? Because they can't fit in d-shells. Edit: re wording"

"What's the difference between a brown noser and an ass kisser? Depth perception."

"Man found dead midway through masturbating Cause of death? A stroke"

"Law of attraction to females If I had a nickel for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive."