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Joke of the Day

"All I want for Christmas is my own perfume commercial where I say random words like 'hope' and 'passion' & look like a date rape victim."

"I only have one cardinal rule... Never feed them past 9, because if you do they'll be up and chirping all night"

"I just passed my drug test. My dealer has some explaining to do."

"COP: Describe the robber to our sketch artist ME: He had one eye higher than the other and his lips on his forehead PICASSO: I got this"

"WalMart is closing down 269 stores in 2016 Due to this, 17 cashiers will lose their jobs."

"Just saw a homeless guy yelling at his shadow. You know what that means right? SIX MORE WEEKS OF RECESSION!"

"I really enjoyed reading the Diary of Anne Frank Although I was disappointed it ended rather abruptly"

"Saw a bumper sticker that said 'Jesus is the answer.' Two cars later I saw one that said 'Who farted?' Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever."

"Why was the menopausal hooker so noisy in the sack? Whore moans"

"If Apple made a car, what would it be lacking? Windows"