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Joke of the Day

"Joe was chopping wood with his Dad Joe: Dad, I think I want to be a pilot! Dad: That's great, start over there. You can grab that wood and pile it."

"I gave my 1yo a chocolate covered raisin. He chewed, paused, then gave me a look that told me he will never trust another human being again."

"In the competition of female logics, a random number generator won."

"I hate it when I accidentally grab two pieces of pizza and then have to eat the whole thing to keep it even."

"What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables? Lettuce pray."

"Him: She's always doing magic tricks Therapist: Is that true? Me: Check your pocket. [he pulls out a piece of paper with 'NO' written on it]"

"""What you don't know won't hurt you."" Oh, yeah good logic. Unless what I ""don't know"" about is the man waiting for me in the parking lot."

"Why did the guy take his time setting up a premature ejaculation support group? He didn't want to go off half cocked."

"I like my women how I like my showers... Cold, crying and alone."

"There are only 10 types of people in this world... Those who understand binary, and those who don't."