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Joke of the Day

"Two of Trump's wives have been immigrants. Which just goes to show you that those people will take jobs that no American wants."

"Knock Knock Kid: knock knock Dad: Who's there? Kid: Hatch Dad: Hatch who? Kid: Bless You."

"Oh, so you wanna argue? BRING IT, I GOT MY CAPS LOCK ON !"

"How can Russia love pickles and vodka but hate gay people? They have such similar interests"

"911 what's your emergency? I FARTED ON THE FIRST DATE. Ma'am we don't-- IT SOUNDED LIKE A BALLOON ANIMAL ASKING A QUESTION"

"I need constant reassurance, right?"

"""My friend got me a Fitbit"" ME: Oh yeh, heard of them, haven't got one tho ""u can buy them online"" ME [whispering] u can buy friends online?"

"Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold!"

"Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex. "

"""Lord, can I have a pony?"" Sure. Just as soon as I get a prayer from a pony asking for a little girl with no clue how to take care of it."