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Joke of the Day

"Today I met this electrician... Sadly I can't remember Watt his name was."

"What do you call the removal of a fence? Defence"

"I just learned Avicii is a singer and not Roman numerals for 1952."

"I would rather have Bill Cosby as President than Donald Trump.. because if America is gonna get fucked for 4 years I wanna be asleep when it happens."

"Red sky at night; shepherds delight, red sky in morning; shepherds warning Minced lamb, potato, onion and carrot; shepherd's pie."

"A starfish has five arms. An anablep has four eyes. An octopus has three hearts. And you've got two faces."

"I went to the 50 Shades of Grey midnight premier earlier tonight Just sucks I couldn't hear the movie over all those goddamn bees in the theater"

"What did 50 cent say to his grandma after she crocheted him a sweater? G! You knit!"

"I'm busier than... a Catholic priest at a church lock in."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder my ass. I haven't been on Myspace in years and I still think it fucking sucks."