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Joke of the Day

"I went to the 50 Shades of Grey midnight premier earlier tonight Just sucks I couldn't hear the movie over all those goddamn bees in the theater"

"How many I.T. workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? none, just upgrade to windows"

"I want to name my next pet Peeve."

"Why did Mary fell from the swing ? Because she hasn't got arms !"

"Cells multiply by dividing."

"They laughed at me when I bought Velcro sneakers but no one will be laughing when the great shoelace drought of 2044 comes"

"I used to be addicted to soap.... I'm clean now."

"Expendables 4 (Rated R): Tom, Sylvester & Wiley Coyote coldly hunt down & eat Jerry, Tweety & Roadrunner. Directed by Quentin Tarantino."

"My dad hasn't uncrossed his arms since I was born."

"So afraid of commitment I only play ""Words With Acquaintances""."