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Joke of the Day

"I would rather have Bill Cosby as President than Donald Trump.. because if America is gonna get fucked for 4 years I wanna be asleep when it happens."

"*uses Oujia board* SMELLS LIKE UPDOG me: what's updog? NOT MUCH, DOG, JUST ABOUT TO POSSESS YOUR CAT me: what cat: what"

"Wife: I told you to baby proof the house! Me: I did. That baby has no chance if it comes in here. The bear traps will make sure of that."

"I went to the doctor recently.. * Doctor: Do you play any sports? * Me: Does sex count? * Doctor: Yes * Me: Then no."

"A priest, a pedophile, and a pervert walk into a bar And he orders a drink"

"5 jokes at once. Q: how to tell 5 jokes at once? A: One direction"

"What happens when a guy with no legs dies? He punches the bucket"

"Roses are red, Relationships are rare... BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKIN' EVERYWHERE!"

"I'm well pissed off with my neighbour today. Yesterday he kept playing the same Lionel Richie song over and over at full blast. I wouldn't mind normally, but it was all night long."

"Have you heard about that new David Beckham film called ""Into The Unknown""? It's about his visit to a library."