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Joke of the Day

"How many Dependent P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? None he's still clinging to the old lightbulb."

"Your parents didn't even want you... You would have been a blowjob if your mom had change for that $20."

"Children of ISIS have been complaining of the heat and the leaders didn't know what to do... lucky for them, they were able to recruit Italian ISIS. credit goes to Jerry Seinfeld for the idea."

"After my prostate exam.... After my prostate exam, the doctor left. Then the nurse came. At that point, she whispered the 5 words no man wants to hear: ""Who the fuck was that?"""

"If laziness was an Olympic sport... I would be fourth so I wouldn't have to step up on the podium. Edit: too lazy for dictionaries, thanks /u/ReddSpy"

"I replaced the glass in my bathroom windows so the tree outside can see exactly what I do with toilet paper. You know what paper is? I yell"

"Americans eat Turkeys at Christmas. Do people in Turkey eat Americans?"

"It must be tough to live in Europe. There's neither land nor way.."

"Q: Why do Southern guys go to family reunions? A: To meet chicks."

"Why didn't the shepard cut off his sheep's wool? Shear laziness."