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Joke of the Day

"Your parents didn't even want you... You would have been a blowjob if your mom had change for that $20."

"Water is the most precious drink Because without it we can't make coffee"

"My greatest acting performance is when I check the caller ID, then adopt an air of polite curiosity as I answer the phone ""Hello?"""

"If you get a tattoo of a thermos, Is it now a thermostat?"

"I like my coffee like i like my women raped and dismembered"

"What do you think of Miles Davis? he kind of blew"

"Told my friends that I was qualified to give them Botox injections. I raised a few eyebrows."

"And tonights weather: Dark."

"How do you know if a blonde has been in the refrigerator? There's lipstick on the cucumbers."

"What's black, covered in teeth marks and no longer in use? Philip Seymour Hoffman's belt."