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Joke of the Day

"Oscar Pistorius is soon getting out of jail. 10 months without sex, you should hide, ladies. But for the love of God, not in the bathroom."

"What do you call a utility knife that doesn't work? A futility knife."

"I just found out my girlfriend has been cheating on my with my dad.... Can't belive I'm going to be an uncle."

"A vegan buddhist... ...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable."

"What did one mandarin say to the other mandarin? I don't know, I don't speak Mandarin."

"What squeaks as it solves crimes ? Miami mice !"

"A couple's having breakfast. He says, ""Were you faking it last night?"" She says, ""No, I was really asleep."""

"What is the difference between Ellen Pao her brain and Aids? Aids develops itself"

"No thanks, Winter Olympics. If I wanted to see a bunch of white people playing in the snow, I'd hop on over to Facebook."

"What does a black man do after sex? 15 to life"