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Joke of the Day

"How much room is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible."

"Condom bursts are like Hillary Clinton's e-mails. You can try to neclect it, but everybody knows it's yours."

"I decided to have a can of soup for lunch today... ...And hating to see good food go to waste, I decided to have the soup as well."

"Jafar my name is jafar i come from afar there's a Note 7 in my car allahu akbar"

"I'm teaching my boys to leave the toilet seat up so there's no pee on it when I put it down. Everything is a lie and life is a bad dream."

"I admitted to my crush that I have feelings for her, but she told me she's only attracted to assholes Which is awesome, because now she won't leave mine alone!"

"What do you call the doctor for dogs? Dogtor"

"The other day, after much trial and error, I successfully became completely weightless... I was like, 0mg!"

"Why do seagulls live by the Sea..? ..Because if they lived by the Bay, they would be bagels! Honestly this cracked me up when I first heard it."

"Statistics are like Bikini Atoll Their essence utterly obliterated for the purpose of proving a political point."