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Joke of the Day

"Im trying the new Vodka diet... Lose 3 days every week"

"What goes oh oh oh? Santa walking backwards."

"Don't be offended if I speak to you condescendingly. Be happy that I care enough to be sure your simple mind understands what I'm saying."

"new antidepressant for lesbians has just been unveiled. Tricoxagan."

"I walked into the boss's office and handed him a pear. ""What's this for?"" He asked. ""A pay rise."" I replied. ""My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."""

"The orphanage i run, burned down today with the lives of sixty children Thank fuck i don't have to tell their parents ...."

"It's 11:48 PM. You can't sleep. Underneath your bed, there's a creepy rustle, as the clown tries to quietly unwrap and eat a granola bar."

"Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart? Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!"

"Why did Jon snow wait outside he Apple Store for 3 days? For the watch"

"Why would you stay friends with an ex-girlfriend? When you get fired from a job, you don't stay around and watch other people do your job."