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Joke of the Day

"Don't be offended if I speak to you condescendingly. Be happy that I care enough to be sure your simple mind understands what I'm saying."

"What car does Woody drive? AUDI ADUI ADUI!"

"hey girls if you sleep with a guy then tell them you're pregnant they'll give you a bunch of money for an abortion I have like 50 cars"

"""Have you seen the film constipated?"" ""No?"" ""Has it come out yet?"""

"I don't think Jesus would be mad if he came back and saw what the world has become. He might be a bit cross, though."

"Executive: What should we name the mutant with neato magnetic powers? Me: [clearly joking] How about Mag-Neato? Exec: damn that's so good"

"Achilles thought his job interview was going well until they asked about his greatest weakness... Then he had to admit defeat."

"What kind of money do snowmen use? Iced lolly."

"Irony walks into a bar the same time as a Coincidence. The bartender asks what they want? ""Not to be confused with each other."""

"What did Hitler smoke? The Jews."