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Joke of the Day

"*hairstylist holds mirror behind my head after styling my hair* ""Is that ok for you sir?"" ""Yes that is a beautiful mirror. I'll take it"""

"My doctor says my emoji use is keeping me young."

"Remember girls, you can't say happiness... without saying penis"

"Will Apple ever release a product that lasts for more than a few years? iDoubtit"

"I SWEAR I'm not addicted to brake fluid.. I only use it in a clutch."

"If you believe the home alarm commercials, the first thing burglars do when they break into your home is smash your family pictures."

"What doesn't kill you was only practicing."

"Why are lesbians such poor cooks? Because they love to eat out."

"Q: How many PA's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Nine........one to do it and eight others to wish they'd been asked."

"I want to make a series about the murder of an airline crew but I still have to shoot the pilot."