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Joke of the Day
"Why didn't the witch wear panties.... So she could grip the broom better."
Next Joke
"*sees cute girl on sidewalk* nice *she makes eye contact* oh wow *she smiles* is this happening *she's holding a clipboard* god dammit"
"Had to dump my Amish girlfriend.... she drove me buggy."
"Called my Doctor, in a panic, serious difficulty ""passing"" urine. Turns out, it's just that I drive a shitty mini-van."
"Baby you must be a vector image... Cause no matter how close I look you're still perfect."
"Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? A: 6 inches is medium 8 inches is rare."
"A British man enters customs at an Australian airport. The officer asks ""Do you have a criminal record?"" The man looks confused and replies ""No, do I still need one?"""
"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!"
"Worried about hair loss? Just draw little rabbits on your head. From a distance they'll look like hares."
"Just used the ""f word"" over on FB so I'm waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use."