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Joke of the Day
"I SWEAR I'm not addicted to brake fluid.. I only use it in a clutch."
Next Joke
"Her: You know when you're craving a cheeseburger but you order a salad instead... Me: (wiping ketchup off my face with my sleeve) No."
"some people are like slinkys They really aren't good for anything but it feels great when you push them down the stairs."
"The one Pacifist friend. Pacifist friend: ""Do you want to hear my war-cry?"" *cries his eyes out while watching two dogs fighting*"
"PERSON: Want a slice? ME: No thanks, trying to eliminate bread P: From your diet? M [having sworn to destroy all bread]: Sure...from my diet"
"I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man... I am trans-fat."
"Him: You hang up first. Me: *click"
"How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents."
"Interviewer: What's your strength? Candidate: I fall in love easily. Interviewer: What's your weakness? Candidate: Those blue eyes of yours."
"How was there no jackass in a giant penis costume at the women's March? That would of been hilarious. You would never see feminists beat a dick so hard."