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Joke of the Day

"Dominos just called to let me know my pizza's on the way. They correctly assumed I'd need time to find my pants."

"what do cats and menstruating girls have in common? Both on the rag"

"I had to go to the hospital without insurance. It wasn't so bad, though. They let me keep my watch and my shoe."

"Fell asleep next to a beautiful woman I met last night. I tell you what, she was PISSED to wake up next to a stranger... And that goes double for her husband."

"I've been researching some useless facts... Want some examples? I have found out that there are over 10,000 different types of lice. And that's just off the top of my head."

"A parrot named Nigel leaves home and returns home,4 years later, speaking Spanish It's pretty common, all the language majors I knew moved back in with their parents too."

"RIP hacker who was spying on me through my Laptop's camera. Died of boredom"

"Can you take a bath if you have diarrhea? Yes, if you have enough."

"Mom Can we go out and play with granny? Yes, just don't bite her nails or I'll close the coffin"

"What kind of file do you need to turn a 8mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile"