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Joke of the Day

"The countdown to my sister's wedding has begun, a constant reminder that I'm just a unibrow & a showtune away from being Susan Boyle."

"Chinese Takeaway - 24 Petrol To pick it up - 2 Getting home and realizing the twats have forgotten one of your containers. Riceless"

"What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller"

"What is the difference between an ounce of cocaine and an infant? Eric Clapton would absolutely NEVER let an ounce of cociane fall 49 stories out a window onto the streets of New York."

"What do you call a baby bull? A bully!"

"Don't you just hate it when people think there clever but use the wrong grammar?"

"Why did Lionel go to the medical store? because it was pharmacy."

"How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they'll just arrest the light for being broke and beat the room for being black."

"My love for you is like diarrhea......I cant hold it in.."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?"