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Joke of the Day

"The countdown to my sister's wedding has begun, a constant reminder that I'm just a unibrow & a showtune away from being Susan Boyle."

"If I had to remove any part in my body I'd remove my spine, it's holding me back."

"Did you hear about the redneck woman's husband who killed her father and her brother? Supposedly she didn't even know he was suicidal"

"My friend asked me why I still buy vinyl. I told him 'Records are always a sound purchase.'"

"She's so fat, she fell down and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up!"

"Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same. Once you heard Jaun, you've heard Jamal."

"My cat just wrote the Great American Novel. Let me read you a page, ""Meow meow meow meow meow meow."" Dunno, think it's a little pretentious."

"Three guys walk in to a bar... The 4th one ducks"

"How is liver like anal sex? If your parents force it on you too much as a child you won't like it as an adult."

"murderers are my pet peeve. im a real chill dude until i get murdered, then you better be prepared to have some sarcasm thrown your way"