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Joke of the Day

"murderers are my pet peeve. im a real chill dude until i get murdered, then you better be prepared to have some sarcasm thrown your way"

"You'd think that the guy in charge of putting pepperoni on frozen pizzas would've been up for a performance review by now."

"Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 8' to 11' tall."

"Don't send an email if you're angry. Wait a while. Have a couple of drinks. Get yourself really worked up. And then send it."

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you... Keep saying ""LOL"" out loud, and you'll die alone. (For Judy in Accounting)"

"Did you hear about the guy who decided to put the S next to the D? He was in the newd today."

"I can't get my dog to stop chasing people on bikes. I guess I'll have to take his bikes away."

"Why dont bicycles pedal backwards??? Because than it would be REcycling"

"I was asking my comedian friend... for some advice on my act. I said ""I made a few cotton picking jokes but nobody found them funny"". He said ""It's simple, you need new material."""

"I got accused yesterday of ""plagiarism!!!"" Their words, not mine."