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Joke of the Day
"The reason Patrick is always clueless Is because he lives under a rock."
Next Joke
"Mario's brother died... But he was still able to contact him through a Luigi board."
"What was the Feminist's least favorite subject? Trigger-nometry."
"Safe to say a good 38% of my life is spent trying to sleep while the 18yr old stomps through the house like an angry triceratops."
"A Photon checks in at an airline front counter. Agent says... Sir, do you have any checked baggage?' Photon replies, 'No, I'm travelling light.'"
"The secret to success is to start from scratch and keep scratching."
"I forgot to wear my glasses when I drove today. I didn't even notice I wasn't wearing them until the kid on my windshield said something"
"""A computer keyboard has more bacteria than a toilet seat."" I don't doubt it, given the shit my boss sends us in email."
"[5-year-old and 3-year-old scream at each other] Me: Is that how your mom and I settle arguments? 5: You want me to sleep on the couch?"
"Who takes the best selfies in LA? I need someone good to do mine."