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Joke of the Day

"The secret to success is to start from scratch and keep scratching."

"There is nothing wrong with sex before marriage... ... as long as it doesn't delay the wedding."

"Woman cut me off, stole my parking spot. I honked, flipped her off and went into yoga. Woman came into class as the instructor. Namaste."

"The best part of having a beard is that it covers up like 40% of my terrible face"

"Try not to put yourself in a position where you have to say ""I'm not actually a Nazi"""

"What's the worst time of the year for the Slinkies factory? Spring break. BA DUM TISS"

"Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he kneeded a poo!"

"What are cranes made of? Cranium."

"A hearse passed me on the highway going over 100 mph... Some body was in a rush."

"How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents."