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Joke of the Day

"Who represents a Ghost in court? A Paralegal."

"I asked God for a bike... but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."

"You know you've truly grown up when you realize your parents knew exactly what they were talking about"

"What's more dangerous than a serial killer? A parallel killer."

"A man has been killed after an E-cigarette exploded in his mouth. ""His face was a complete mess."" Said the coroner. ""But his lungs were mint."""

"Chances of me doing anything at work today are about hahahahahahahahahahaha%."

"Someone with a knife exactly like the one I'm holding in my hand ruined my neighbor's inflatable Christmas lawn decorations."

"Just made sweet love to a juicy steak. Being escorted out of the restaurant now."

"[vet school] ME: Welcome, students. Hope you brought textbooks because- [spins cat on finger like basketball] -I have no idea what I'm doing"

"Confucius say if someone call you idiot it better you keep quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt"