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Joke of the Day

"ME: [shouting upstairs] dinner's ready! 6YR OLD: what are we having? ME: you'll like it! trust me! 6: I ain't falling for that shit again"

"I have this great joke about the Jonestown massacre but it's difficult to tell The punch line is sooo long. Edit:typo"

"Starting a conversation Do you know how heavy a polar bear is? Enough to break the ice. *winks*"

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist bastards."

"They're dying the Chicago River blue in honor of the Cubs win... It's the first time it will be blue since the French got there."

"Why are schools red? You would be too if you had 7 periods a day."

"I am a waiter in need of false teeth. Do I need to look for a new job? I don't think indentured servants are legal any more."

"Today I discovered my brother and I are both audiophiles... He came as soon as he heard."

"OK it's like sure, I've MURDERED before. Big deal. Sue me. It's not like I'm a MURDERER or anything. I only do it socially."

"Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me they long to be/eating your sandwich"