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Joke of the Day

"when i die use my ashes to fill souvenir snowglobes to mimic the death rain of the apocalypse pouring down on a vacant cityscape. very metal"

"i feel wrong i think im having a dyslexic stroke. i cant smell anything on the left side of my body and i feel toast."

"What does it take to kill a joke bad timing"

"2 for the price of 1 Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the idiot's house Knock Knock <Who's there?> It's the Chicken"

"I have a particular disease for which I deny the existence of some 80s bands There is no cure"

"What do you call americans flying to space? The plot for Wall-E"

"Role playing in the bedroom was fun until my wife gave me a speeding ticket."

"Why did Robert Oppenheimer's wife go to the beach naked? There was no bikini atoll"

"Do you know anything about real estate? ""Points to groin"" Can you tell me if this is a ""lot"""

"Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you're doing it."