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Joke of the Day

"When a raccoon stands up and cracks his knuckles, stop shaving him immediately."

"Renewing your wedding vows is like agreeing on a double life sentence to prison."

"What did one cloud of fog say to the other? I don't know. It's a Mistery."

"Why don't birds wear underwear? Because, their pecker is on their head."

"If you and jack were horseback riding Would you help jack off the horse?"

"Relationships are just anteing up on each other's crazy until one person decides the pot is too big and folds."

"What do you call a fat Taylor Swift? Taylor not so Swift"

"Family vacation is when you listen to your kids cry someplace expensive."

"""Man this milk is SO strong. It's got like, 30% lactose or some shit. Whatever that means."" -baby parties"

"Don't you hate those people who are obsessed with tracking their steps? Fucking pedophiles."