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Joke of the Day

"If he buys your drink, but you're really not interested? Smile at him, thank him and then stick the olive up your nose."

"Moby-Dick is cool if you like stopping in the middle of a story about murdering a smart whale to think about all the different kinds of rope"

"Why should you never play poker with African cats? Because they're cheetahs."

"Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? The picture of Jesus only needs one nail to hang up."

"A man shot himself in the head at an NRA sponsored NASCAR event... while the GOP shot themselves in the foot on the NRA sponsored gun bill. (Jokes for the week of 4/13-4/19 @fridayupdate on twitter.)"

"forever alone Having alcohol by yourself at home is considered a problem, but social drinking is acceptable. So now, whenever I open a crate of White Lightning, I always log on to Facebook."

"What do you get when a clown dies in a desert? Dry Humour."

"Wifey: We should get a chest freezer. Me: We don't need a freezer that big. Wifey: What if we need to hide bodies? Me: I love you."

"Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No-I-Deer Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? A: Still No-I-Deer"

"What do you call it when Feminists own an independent sovereign state? A CUNTry. Yes, I'm terrible."