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Joke of the Day

"forever alone Having alcohol by yourself at home is considered a problem, but social drinking is acceptable. So now, whenever I open a crate of White Lightning, I always log on to Facebook."

"I saw a black guy carrying a TV down the street the other day so I had to run back home and check that mine was still there. It's OK though, mine was still there, just sitting there shining my shoes."

"Why doesn't a duck wear underwear? Because their pecker's on their face."

"In hell, every day is Thanksgiving and you're never allowed to unbutton your pants."

"If you encounter a bear DON'T RUN. Maintain eye contact. Keep maintaining it. Fall in love. Marry the bear. Tell story to your grandbearbies"

"Put the punchline in the title How do you ruin a joke?"

"What is your favorite joke about women? Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: Because there is a clock on the stove."

"What would aliens say if told that Earthlings shift clocks by an hour to fool themselves into thinking there's more sunlight"

"My Favorite Limerick There once was a fellow McSweeney Who put some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his girlfriend a martini"

" ...Oh the weather outside's delightful, the balance in my account is frightful, what happened to all my dough, I dunno, I dunno, I dunnnnoooooo... "